~
Don’t forget the stars
among the bright neon lights
keep your sense of wonder.
~
Eyes and Exciting News!
Recently I’ve been asked again about my eyes, whether I have two different colours or what.
The short answer: I have sectoral heterochromia in my left eye. Before I recently learnt the word I always told people it was like a small birthmark, just in the iris. So one of my eyes is completely of this weird, changing blueish-grey colour that looks different everyday, the other one has a brownish section.
I’m really excited right now – I’ll start a new job on Monday! My first real full time job! Luckily I don’t have to move to a different city. I’ll be working in a language project for an internet company. I won’t tell more because I’ll have to sign a NDA and whatever, but yeah, totally excited and a little bit scared.
Wear your bruises with pride
Summer is finally here, the heat, the sweat, the short pants. So your legs aren’t perfect, so what? So you’re covered in bruises from playing sports, from playing it rough, from playing hard the game of life? Wear your bruises with pride, those marks of warrior strength on your still pale legs.
Don’t let them tell you you’re unworthy of the comfort of short clothes on warm days, don’t let them tell you bruises on pale flesh are not what a woman should wear. They are marks of an active life, of enough health to roll and run and climb, and just as well marks of honour for falling down and getting up, for hitting obstacles and still moving on.
Wear your bruises with pride, and flash them all a knowing grin. Make them jealous of daring to be bold and brave and full of life, no matter how often you stumble and hit the ground.
Vague Thoughts
I have a lot of thoughts in my head these days, but they are somewhat vague, some hazy, some blurred, some to quick and complex to be caught in words yet. I want to write more again, more often, more organized. I tried to push forward in life and suppressed that creative voice inside, tried to find a more grown-up creativity, tried to press myself in a mold I won’t ever fit. Lately I’ve been going back to reading my old stories – the really crazy, surreal ones (mostly SciFi fanfiction with random strange occurrences) – and to watching the old shows that had been my refugium in teenage years. I want to write again, and try to voice my old sense of wonder again, to put down the absurd episodes my brain brings up whenever given the opportunity to breathe. Maybe someday I’ll find a story that will be wondrous enough to captivate others.
Also, future not clear yet. Destination unknown. Vague ideas, nothing tangible.
Black stones, little sister
~
Remember how we
followed the creek below shrubs
the land of black stones
~
Glass Walls
People around me
Constantly I walk against
Invisible walls
Walking.
After a few very emotional and stressful weeks I woke up yesterday feeling good. I enjoyed taking the train and travelling alone the half-hour distance to the countryside (for family stuff). I felt so good I decided to drive a car for the first time in months. Wonderful feeling.
But after listening to table conversations for some hours last night and today I felt drained. I just wanted to get up and leave the restaurant. Now, in the afternoon, I felt myself drawn to the outsides, to watching the farm cats. Finally I just felt the urge to move. So I wandered off, just walking and walking, following a dirt road. I felt a bit guilty to leave some preparation tasks to the others, but after some minutes of walking I realised how important selfcare is. I didn’t get up from the table early, I tried to stay calm and help with some stuff, but at some point I risk running on an empty tank, risk crossing the line to just reacting to things without being in control anymore, which at some point won’t be helpful to anyone anymore.
Sometimes you just have to walk and see things from a distance before getting back into the middle of things. So if you feel the urge to walk, don’t just ignore the feeling.
