I’m not a dancer …

but I love to dance.

I never learned ballet, but in my daydreams I move with grace. Sometimes, people tell me I’m no good singer, that my movements are not graceful, in the past I even have been told I’m ugly. But when I dance, alone, I feel free, I fly away from this. Dancing is about letting go and finding control. It’s about feeling every inch of your body, and finding balance, finding the courage to lift off. In my dreams, I’m on the stage, I’m flying upwards through the clouds towards the sun, I’m dancing in the middle of a desert to a music so profound and so much more than skin deep. I’m the midnight dancer, the purple storm, the girl with the poi in fiery colours conjuring an oriental blaze. When I dance, I feel alive. I feel at ease. I start to love my body, my life, and I dare to embrace my dreams.The tingling warmth melting the cold out off my joints, the increased need of oxygen, the enhanced sensation of everything, and the heavy breathing when cooling down again.

Life can feel so easy.

I’m no dancer, but sometimes I am. Because the music turns me into one. Sometimes, I’m just a dancer, like sometimes the air is ionized and becomes a lightning bolt. For the blink of an eye, there is this power. There is this freedom, and knowing that in this moment only one thing is relevant. To dance. To celebrate being alive. Making every breath a song.

Today, I am a dancer.



Something about life.

As I was looking for the “The Butterfly Circus” videos to put them up here (can be found in the category “some inspiration”), I found this:

I think he delivers a great example of how to find a kind of balance between independency, and accepting necessary help while staying self-confident.

This is also one of the lessons I had to learn when I was in Africa during the summer – suddenly there were so many things I couldn’t know, that I couldn’t do on my own … for example it was hard for me to accept that I wasn’t able to go around on my own in Nairobi (crazy traffic! I had no clue how to go from A to B, so I wouldn’t have found a hostel or even how to go to the airport by public transportation.)

I’m still fighting against insomnia and lack of concentration. But my photography seems to get back on track, I’m hoping for an end of the phase where I hadn’t been content with any of my pictures. Some new stuff (and some impressions from Kenya) can be found in my deviantART gallery.

Recently I got myself my first tripod ever. A very tiny and pretty flexible one. It even fits into a handbag. No need for big gear when all I have is an ordinary digital camera, but it’s really cool to have something to stabilize the camera when taking pictures without flash under bad light conditions!

It started to snow this morning.