Writing down that mess of thoughts yesterday has helped. It still went all around in my mind until I fell asleep and for a while after I woke up, but my thoughts feel clearer now. I’ve been having weird dreams again the last few nights, but that as well is getting better again. I wonder how much of the pieces my mind puzzled together in these dreams really fit together, how many of my wandering mind’s findings are true.
This afternoon I found this post http://musingsofanaspie.com/2014/07/15/how-we-experience-the-world-survey/ and when I read question #9 I felt like I had stumbled out of the forest, out into a clearing. Dropping out of society, yes. Wishing to be able to run off for an adventure, leaving all the burdens and rules behind. This too is part of what I tried to convey in the jumble of words my tired mind spilled out last night.
I want to write more, but I don’t have the words right now. Too big are all these thoughts. Shapes and colours and shadows and dreams and songs. Still, that one song makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. Laugh and dance with my arms wide open, shouting joy from our roof. Cry and mourn the loss of past times and old places, old ideas, old ways, how much we have given up.
Give me words, please.
I need to write, I need to talk, to get out all these strange ideas. I need more people to talk to about all of this, someone to listen, someone to walk this road with me.