After talking about attractiveness, clothes, and other weird stuff with one of my guy friends I was left wondering
- why I don’t feel attractive in cute dresses in which I’m supposed to feel attractive/beautiful/feminine
- why I look weird in overly feminine clothes
- whether I’m the only one who doesn’t like to feel sexy etc. all the time
I googled “I don’t want to feel sexy” and “why don’t I feel attractive in dresses?” – and all the results I got were along the lines of “9 steps to feel sexy again” or “how to help your wife to get her sexy back”. WTF? Obviously the Internet is full of desired sexiness and of no help to me. At least on the surface.
A while ago I started reading blogs/boards from the asexual community and found their views on relationships (including friendship) and body image highly fascinating. So there must be stuff on the internet about not wanting to feel sexy all the time (or at all).
No answer about the unattractiveness of female me in dresses, though. I think it has something to do with proportions – weird distribution of body mass between upper and lower body, as in big bottom but otherwise a little on the androgynous side -, a not exactly delicate, feminine way of moving, and the stark clash between a flowery, frilly-girly sundress and not-so-girly Starfish. When a dress is way more feminine than me it makes my lack of femininity more obvious, I guess? I feel most comfortable in rather neutral clothes. Long, comfortable and rather plain dresses with broad straps look and feel much better than cute and girly dresses, but still are for days with really good mood. I’ve been called “plain” before, time to own it! I’ve never really been a traditionally cute/pretty teenage girl anyway. Now that I’m in my mid-twenties and sport the first grey strands while trying to become more athletic, looking girly isn’t even a real option anymore – and I’m sort of glad about that. Now when I buy new clothes they have to
- be of a colour that really suits me and makes me feel good
- fit my body and feel comfortable while making me look the way I like
- allow a wide range of movements (no dainty sitting around while sipping tea all day)
because seriously, dressing in a way others are supposed to find attractive while making me miserable is stupid. I want to be liked for feeling comfortable in my own skin (and clothes) and giving off positive vibes or whatever you want to call it, so I better get started on that. Many guys I talk to prefer a positive aura over tons of make-up.