Black stones, little sister

~
Remember how we
followed the creek below shrubs
the land of black stones
~

Glass Walls

People around me
Constantly I walk against
Invisible walls

Walking.

After a few very emotional and stressful weeks I woke up yesterday feeling good. I enjoyed taking the train and travelling alone the half-hour distance to the countryside (for family stuff). I felt so good I decided to drive a car for the first time in months. Wonderful feeling.
But after listening to table conversations for some hours last night and today I felt drained. I just wanted to get up and leave the restaurant. Now, in the afternoon, I felt myself drawn to the outsides, to watching the farm cats. Finally I just felt the urge to move. So I wandered off, just walking and walking, following a dirt road. I felt a bit guilty to leave some preparation tasks to the others, but after some minutes of walking I realised how important selfcare is. I didn’t get up from the table early, I tried to stay calm and help with some stuff, but at some point I risk running on an empty tank, risk crossing the line to just reacting to things without being in control anymore, which at some point won’t be helpful to anyone anymore.
Sometimes you just have to walk and see things from a distance before getting back into the middle of things. So if you feel the urge to walk, don’t just ignore the feeling.