Walking.

After a few very emotional and stressful weeks I woke up yesterday feeling good. I enjoyed taking the train and travelling alone the half-hour distance to the countryside (for family stuff). I felt so good I decided to drive a car for the first time in months. Wonderful feeling.
But after listening to table conversations for some hours last night and today I felt drained. I just wanted to get up and leave the restaurant. Now, in the afternoon, I felt myself drawn to the outsides, to watching the farm cats. Finally I just felt the urge to move. So I wandered off, just walking and walking, following a dirt road. I felt a bit guilty to leave some preparation tasks to the others, but after some minutes of walking I realised how important selfcare is. I didn’t get up from the table early, I tried to stay calm and help with some stuff, but at some point I risk running on an empty tank, risk crossing the line to just reacting to things without being in control anymore, which at some point won’t be helpful to anyone anymore.
Sometimes you just have to walk and see things from a distance before getting back into the middle of things. So if you feel the urge to walk, don’t just ignore the feeling.

Make-up use review: August

August 5th: Concealer, worn for job training.

I covered some red spots.

 

August 27th: Concealer, job interview.

Same as above.

 

In September I’ll start teaching language classes, so I think I’ll wear concealer more often in the future. I might add a dash of colour every now and then, but as I won’t always go home between work and capoeira class I don’t want too much stuff on my face that could end up on my white clothes later. And I plan to eat even less processed foods in the future, so my skin should look fine without powder and paint. For one week in August I ate sugary stuff and comfort food again, which totally showed on my face.

 

The “project”

April

May

June

July

Make-up use review: June

After two months of no make-up at all I have something to report, finally.

June 6th: Lipstick, the occasion was the wedding of our friends. I applied the lipstick before they picked me up for the photo shooting (I was the co-photographer), so there wasn’t a lot of it left when we arrived at church afterwards; I didn’t re-apply it for the evening either. No specific reason, I just felt like using it and then I thought it wouldn’t make a difference whether I re-applied it or not. Okay, I thought it would be stupid to re-apply it when there will be food shortly afterwards, and in the dim light no one would notice it anyway. I’m also glad I didn’t use any of the other make-up stuff, because once we started dancing it escalated quickly to the point where some of us were soaked in sweat.

June 25th: Concealer, for a job interview. I had planned to use a blend&cover stick I had purchased just for this occasion, but while it had looked okay on my skin in the shop it turned out to be way too dark for my skin tone when seen under natural light. So I had to use my default for covering red spots – a very, very light liquid concealer. I like the idea of having a solid concealer/cover stick to carry with me for important appointments, though, and might buy the lightest possible shade of said stick to replace the liquid concealer (which can be a little messy when applied in a hurry).

The “project”

April

May

 

Three cultures in one week.

Living in three different worlds, three cultures, all separated by nothing but half an hour of walking, three bus stops, a trainride to the other side of the city. European mainstream culture. Church. Capoeira.

Body image – objectification, purification, celebration. Make-up and diets, prudery and hiding, samba de roda and rejoicing in movement for its own sake.

Music – sex and money, worship and encouragement, community and fuelling the game.

Clothing – fashion, modesty, convenience.

So many other points, like cultural behaviour, that I can’t even begin to describe with just a few words. Language. Forming relationships. The view on history, politics, and globalisation. Sense of self.

I step in and out of cultures, I dress their way (more or less), I try to mold my ways of communicating to what is comfortable and acceptable for the people surrounding me at a given time. But in my heart, all three are present all the time. I’m more than the sum of the cultures and subcultures I’m part of. I’m still growing and learning to navigate this inner maze, deciding which paths to add to my map and which landmarks to reject for being misleading.

 

 

Monthly make-up use review: April

April is over, time for a review of my monthly make-up use (see this post for my new “project”).

Well, there isn’t really anything to report at all. No make-up used in April, that’s it. My skin looks terrible, though; I think the last few stressful months have taken their toll. I hope this will change soon. But if I had used make-up I would look even worse. Maybe I should go back to using coconut oil for my face, perhaps sesame oil is not good for my skin in the long run (or only in cold winter months?). Now that it’s getting warmer even my hair doesn’t like sesame oil that much anymore – it’s been quite tangly the last few weeks. I’ll try coconut oil for skin and hair for a few weeks and then proceed from there.

May will be a lot different, I believe – meeting new people, going to a wedding … and I’ll have to get pictures taken for job applications. I predict three to four days of wearing at least concealer and/or eyeshadow for a few hours.