Capoeira and Weakness

I don’t really know how to write this post.

The last few years haven’t been that awesome health-wise. I started my capoeira journey a few months before an all-time low, a time that involved a lot of sleeping, brain-fog, headaches, and crying on the gym floor. There were people who still took the time to teach me. I’m still incredibly loyal to them and wouldn’t want to miss them.

I’ve grown stronger, my overall fitness is better than in the past, but the demands have grown with it. Demands from my instructors, from my group, from myself. So now every new low brings more frustration and more self-doubt. People tell me to give my best, to go faster, while my body wants to lie down and sleep. It makes me feel bad for my instructors – they spend time and energy on teaching us -, for my group – I hold others back -, and for myself, because I can’t be who I want to be. Dizziness comes and goes, some days my muscles hurt, sometimes I just feel like I’m far away and my body doesn’t listen to me. When I have a cold it takes me weeks to get back to my old level afterwards.

Most of this week I spent sleeping, because I’m down and out with a really nasty cold. The doctor told me my blood results are perfectly fine and I just have to deal with getting sick easily and not being as fit as others. I’ll just have to go slow with sports, which isn’t easy with capoeira.

But I don’t want to give up what I have – something that brings me joy, makes me stronger (as long as I don’t add stress on my body by going five times a week), and helps me connect to wonderful people. I’m just scared of telling people I’ll have to go even slower in the future, scared of their remarks, their looks when I take care of myself instead of going all in, scared of seeing others succeed and moving on while I linger. I’m scared of more self-doubt when I see the gap between me and others grow, of seeing others wearing brown and green while I don’t know if I ever will.

Today I went on a walk with my camera to escape from my self-pity and black thoughts. Taking pictures by the lake (just five minutes from our apartment) in the fog helped me clear my head and respiratory system. I brought home some cool seagull pictures I worked into a black and white series: https://starfishskiesphotography.wordpress.com/2016/11/25/seagulls-in-the-fog/. Maybe I will never be a really good capoeirista, but I can do my best when I feel well and take pictures on the other days, learn the music, contribute and participate in some way. I just hope others will accept this and help me, instead of looking down on me or adding to my frustration in some other way.

 

Updated Photography Portfolio

I took an hour tonight and brushed up my photography portfolio. Mostly I added a few pictures, adjusted the size to make everything look nice and even, and I also added some general location information for the categories “City” and “Landscape & Waterside”. Check it out :)

(I haven’t resized the photos in the “Sky” section yet – what do you think? Keep the bigger format or adjust to the smaller size I used in the other categories?)

Summertime Handstand!

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Because it’s finally warm enough to wear tank tops and no socks again. And because my handstand against the wall is getting better. Normally I don’t wear my hair open when doing acrobatics of any sort (except for normal cartwheels sometimes), but I was curious what me doing a handstand would look like with my hair hanging down :D

I’m not making a lot of progress in capoeira itself right now, but my overall strength and flexibility are increasing. In addition to exercising a little more* I’ve upped my salt intake to see whether it will help with the dizziness (it’s gotten worse again, maybe due to the crazy weather changes all the time) and I’m working on eating cleaner in general.

*I’m by no means one of those people who do a full workout every day. What I do is going to capoeira class two to three times each week if possible, while at home I try to work at least every second day for a few minutes on my handstand, push-ups, pull-ups (well, at least I try …), sit-ups, ponte/bridge variations, queda de rins, stretching or whatever I feel like, and sometimes I do a little bit of hula-hooping while using filled water bottles as light dumbbells to do some exercises for my arms and shoulders. I’m just one of those people who every now and then feel a sudden urge to move, to just kick against something, to touch the ground, or hang from the bed headfirst.

Closet Cosplay: Arya Stark (Game of Thrones, Season 1)

I wanted to try the hairstyle Arya Stark wears in the beginning of the first season of Game of Thrones and found this tutorial http://hellomeepit.com/2014/03/10/game-of-thrones-arya-stark-hair-tutorial/, though I cheated a little and crossed the braids first at the bottom, then at the top, instead of the other way round.

A moment later I decided to go the whole way – I found a wooden sword (well, two of them) in our living room and picked a creme white blouse and a blue dress from my wardrobe (reference picture links: here, here, and here), then set up the camera.

IMG_7128_03.resizedStick ’em with the pointy end.

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Bonus picture from before I remembered Arya is lefthanded:

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Time needed for hairstyle: <10 minutes

Materials used for hairstyle: 1 medium sized brown hair tie (elastic with fabric, no metal), 2 small transparent silicone hair ties, 4 black metal hair pins

New Camera Stuff on the Way!

I ordered a new lens and some smaller items for my camera today! It will be my first lens specifically for the DSLR apart from the not so good kit lens that came with it. I also found an affordable adapter which hopefully will enable me to use my old telephoto lens (from completely analog times) on my modern digital camera. You can find more specific information on my hardware order and my current camera related wishlist on today’s post on my photo blog https://starfishskiesphotography.wordpress.com/2015/06/30/new-hardware-and-wish-list/