I don’t know why (haiku or something like this)

some nights, like this one

I want to curl up and cry

without knowing why

~

I just don’t know. Some hazy ideas, memories and projections mingling in a tired brain running on caffeine, sugar, and jazz. Maybe John Coltrane isn’t that good for me after all.

 

future fright (renga)

now that I’ve found friends
scared of the day I’ll leave town
who will remember?

can’t stand the thought of losing
these small moments of shared warmth

Sounds like a plan …

I need some motivation for the final month of my master’s thesis (and preparing the presentation for tomorrow), so here’s my plan (or at least one possible plan) with ideas and goals for the next few years:

• Step one: finish the thesis.
• Step two: find work as a paid intern or something similar, for 3-6 months approximately, while preparing for step three by writing applications
• Step three: enroll as a PhD student (in a programme with a paid half-time position as a research assistant), finish in 3-4 years
• Step four: work in research somewhere in Europe; I’m thinking about moving to Scandinavia – there are more/better postdoctoral positions available in my field than here while the people are nice (Darling likes the laid-back Scandinavian attitude as well). The universities in Norway have some nice positions open right now – and I’d really like to live somewhere with northern lights for a while! (And there are capoeira schools both in Oslo and in Bergen.)

My priorities may seem a little weird; but if the idea of seeing the northern lights while being able to follow my other dreams helps me to focus on the task at hand and working harder, why not. I can use all the sources of motivation I can get!

I will play

Maybe one day
When they’ve thrown me to the ground
One will be there
To hand me the cord in welcome
Offering the white flower of peace and protection
I don’t know by what name they will call me
But I will answer and play.

 

 

 

~~~

I guess I found a new source of inspiration for writing, finally.