Keep the stars in your heart.

~

Don’t forget the stars
among the bright neon lights
keep your sense of wonder.

~

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Vague Thoughts

I have a lot of thoughts in my head these days, but they are somewhat vague, some hazy, some blurred, some to quick and complex to be caught in words yet. I want to write more again, more often, more organized. I tried to push forward in life and suppressed that creative voice inside, tried to find a more grown-up creativity, tried to press myself in a mold I won’t ever fit. Lately I’ve been going back to reading my old stories – the really crazy, surreal ones (mostly SciFi fanfiction with random strange occurrences) – and to watching the old shows that had been my refugium in teenage years. I want to write again, and try to voice my old sense of wonder again, to put down the absurd episodes my brain brings up whenever given the opportunity to breathe. Maybe someday I’ll find a story that will be wondrous enough to captivate others.

Also, future not clear yet. Destination unknown. Vague ideas, nothing tangible.

A traveler, alone.

To venture in the Fair Unknown,
I must enter as I leave:
A traveler, alone.

I rarely ever watched Gene Roddenberry’s Andromeda, but every now and then I saw some scenes (mostly the ends of episodes when I was already sitting in front of my parents’ TV set, eagerly waiting for a new episode of Stargate: SG1 or something similar to start playing); and on one occasion there was this one quote on screen. (Not the orignal one but a translated version; a very well translated one though.) Somehow it struck a cord. I copied it to a piece of paper, taped it to the wardrobe door with another small collection of important stuff. Even now, about a decade (or maybe even more years?) later, every now and then the words come back to me. My subconsciousness must have attached it to several strings of associations. Stargate, Lord of the Rings, my personal fictive world (cf. the preceding post),  and moments of wonder.

To me, it is one of THE quotes about the enigmatic concept sense of wonder. Something so wondrous, amazing, beautiful, you want to share it but you can’t. It’s impossible to convey the impression afterwards, and some moments lose their wonder if another person is present.

under the golden ginkgo biloba

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Under the golden ginkgo biloba
I stood and gazed at all its autumn splendour, ivy entwined,
wondering why I stood there alone
in the rain

I saw its blazing glory when I had passed the lawn,
longingly gazing at the green
wondering if anyone would be there to play
if it wasn’t for the rain

On that rainy afternoon, just before dusk
I discovered anew
a sense of wonder
standing under the golden ginkgo biloba.

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Pictures just don’t do this beauty any justice. It’s the old ginkgo tree, overgrown with ivy, standing next to the university building in which I spent many days in the last few years.